"I’ve felt betrayed, cheated, and shattered into pieces after I discovered infidelity from my previous relationship. Every day I am reliving the same pain again and again... Would I be able to find forgiveness?"
Forgiveness is a matter of choice. A decision you must have to choose and embrace. Don't wait for it to just wash over you all of a sudden. You have to want it. You have to own it. Don't give your power away. The pain of what happened is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is optional. The only person you can control is you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. By constantly reliving the pain of what happened, you are giving your power away to the person who wronged you. It hurts you know, you might say. TRUE! I’ve been there and believe me the impact of betrayal and infidelity hurts big time. However, you can still forgive the person without excusing the act and condoning their behaviour.
You can acknowledge the negative feelings but they are not there to stay. Cry if you need to. Scream if you must and if that’s going to alleviate the pain, let it go... You deserve it anyway! But don’t allow these negative feelings stay to consumed you. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the act or event may never completely disappear, you have the power to accept what was and forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those positive feelings of letting go closer to you.
There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to choose forgiveness. To say, “I have the power to let go. I'm not going to invest anger, bitterness, hatred, and resentment in this person anymore." You can find closure in forgiveness.
Remember... things happen for a reason either because it’s someone else’s choice or a course of nature. But what ever it is, you still have the power to choose how to positively respond - and with that respond comes acceptance. NOT right away but it will. My own journey through divorce has taught me to become fully aware of my emotions and along the way I have learned to accept what is, to let go of what was and to always be positive of what lies ahead. After some time, I went to reach out to my ex-husband through an email. A closure that transformed me from being the victim to a victor of my past. I felt empowered and totally renewed inside and out. Finally, I have peace... I am FREE!
“Inhale the FUTURE, EXHALE the past”…
As tough as it is to acknowledge, some times you had to go through what you went through in order to get to where you are today, and the evidence is that you did. You can't change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now and start to reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. Actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you, when you're ready. Move away from your role as the victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. Soon you will discover how amazing and strong you have become by choosing the right thing.
Let go... Forgive... And Move on!
And do yourself a favour, share your experience with others. By doing so, you will find relief. Finding a lesson in what happened can help put the experience in perspective and your emotions in check. People can thrive and suffer at the same time you know.